It's All Good
The timing of study on Romans with my Marm and friend couldn’t have been better.
I saw the surgeon on Wednesday who has been trying to help break down the scar tissue from my vertical incision by injecting it and having me go home and massage it each night. He is a wonderful surgeon with lots of experience both here and also overseas doing pro bono work in third world countries.
When he saw me this past time, he said we have a different problem: multiple hernias and the abdominal muscle wall is pulling away. He wasn’t willing to do the surgery and was hard-pressed to come up with a referral. The surgery to fix things back to “normal” will have to wait.
It might be hard to explain why this time was harder to take emotionally and mentally. Perhaps it’s because I am feeling like I finally was moving forward or that I am being thrown another curve ball. It is also uncertain who will do a good job to fix this. Even though I know I was more than careful with my recovery and went longer and more gingerly than recommended before I exercised or lifted, etc, I still feel like I should blame myself (thank you to my sweet husband for reminding me against that).
I was talking to a friend yesterday who said I need to tell people how it affected me, because people feel badly that they have real feelings when things happen to them. I am listening right now to a Joyce Meyer sermon about this! Sometimes you will go through things for the purpose of helping other people in the future as they go through things just like what you did!
In the past, when things wouldn’t go right, I could listen to some sermons, read the Bible and pray and feel like I could shift my thinking pretty quickly. This time it was hard to pray, it was hard to read the Bible, it was hard to imagine that God still has a purpose for me. I could step outside myself and see that God can and will use all things for His good. I could see the goodness of God but I just couldn’t feel it. For some reason, I never am mad at God, but as Joyce Meyer just now said, I think I was offended…… offended that other people get rainbows for promises and I’m getting another circumcision! (the difference between God’s promise to Noah and Abraham—if that doesn’t make sense, I can give you more details) !!
This is where Romans came in. I had already studied and journaled on Romans 1-8 before I got this news. As I reviewed Romans 8 with my mom and friend, I felt my spirit lift.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,, who have been called according to His purpose. 8:28
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with moans that words cannot express. 8:26
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 8:18
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord 8:37-38
No matter what, God will not leave us where we are. No matter what, He will lift our heads even when we can’t do it ourselves. He will put a fresh hope back in our hearts.
I trust His plan and purpose.
Here’s to a wonderful miraculous Monday!